Counseling Videos - Healthy Relationships

Hey,everyone.

Welcome.Wehaveofficiallygonelive.

Thankyouforyourpatiencewhilewegotconnectedhere.

We'reactuallygettingstartedforourjaguarheartbeats.

Gotmymusicplaying.Idon'tknowifyouallcanhearthat.

HiJackie.Sogladtohaveyouguyshere,

comeonin,getsettled.

TheStudentCounselingCenteratA&MSanAntonio.

WeactuallyfiguredwithValentine'sdayaroundthecorner,

whatbettertimetospendsometimetalkingabout

healthyrelationshipsandself-love,socomeonin.

Welcome,I'msohappytohaveyouallhere.

Forthosethathavejustjoined,

wearegettingsetuptogolive.

WelcometoJagHeartbeats.

Valentine'sDayisaroundthecornerand

nomatterhowyou'recelebratingValentine'sDay,

wewantforeveryonetorealizethatthere'salotofpower

inbeingabletohaveahealthyperspectiveonrelationship.

We'reherehopingtogivesomegoodinformationonhealthyrelationshipsandself-love.

Ithinkthatweareabletogetstartedhere,

I'llturnmymusicdown.

It'skindofaganglionalittlebit.

Anyways,sofirstandforemost,

again,forthosethatjustjoined,

it'sgoodtohaveyouallhere.

We'resogladthatyoutooksometimetojoinus

andjoininontheconversationsabouthealthyrelationships.

TheStudentCounselingCenterisputtingthisonjusthopingthatit'llhelpto

enrichthosethatfindthemselvesreflectingabouthealthyrelationships,

relationshipsingeneral,rightnow,

inthemiddleofthispandemicandhowtohavehealthyrelationships,

andsowe'regladtohaveyouhere.

Beforewegetstarted,

Idowanttojustleteveryoneknowthatthisactuallyismeanttobe

alearningcommunitywhere

we'regoingtobetalkingabouthealthyrelationshipsandhopefully

havingsomereallyrealdiscussionsabouthealthyrelationships.

Butbecauseit'salearningcommunity,

wecannotnecessarilyguaranteeconfidentialityorprivacy.

SotheStudentCounselingCenter,obviously,

wewantforyouguystobereflectingaboutthisinformationand

hopefullyyou'llhearsomethingthatreallydoesresonatewithyou.

Butjustknowthatwecannotnecessarilyguaranteeprivacy.

Ifyouareinterestedinspeakingtosomeoneinamoreprivateconfidentialspace,

thenpleasedon'thesitatetocontactourofficefor

thosethatarecurrentlyenrolledstudentsinSanAntonio.

Feelfreetocontactourofficebecausewedefinitelywant

tobesupportivetoyouespeciallyifsomethingthatwesaytoday,

ifitreallyresonates.

Well,Ithinkthatwecangetstartedwithsometrivia,yes.

Yeah.Thoseofuswhoarejoiningustoday,

we'regoingtohaveafewfunfacts,

afewtriviatoseeify'allcanguessafewofthefunfactsaboutValentine'sDay.

Thoseofyouwho'dliketoguess

whatmythologyorreligiousbeliefmythologydoesCupidoriginatefrom?

Feelfreetocommentinthecommentsectionthere.

Ifyouknowtheanswertothat.

Orifyoujustwanttotakeaguess.

Itwaswhat?

WhatisCupid'smythologicalroots?

Notsureifwehaveanyresponsesthere.

That'sokay.CupidactuallyhasitsrootsinGreekmythology.

Hedatesbackallthewayto700BCinto

theGreekgodbythenamethegodoflove,Eros.

Hewasactuallythishandsomeimmortalman

wasintimidatingpowertomakepeoplefallinlove.

We'vegotsomerequestsformultiplechoice.

Igettherearesomecurveballsinthere.

Yeah.It'sadifferentlevelhereoftrivia.

Cany'allguesswhenthefirstValentinewassent?

Wasitinthe1800s,the1300s,orthe1500s?

Anyideas?

Anyguesses?

Theoptionswere1300s?

The1500s,orthe18.

We'vegotaguesshere.

1500s,Joshua.

Iwasactuallygoingtosuggest.

Yeah,that'scorrect.

Iwasgoingtoguesswrong.

TheveryfirstValentinewassentinthe15thcentury,

technicallythe1400s,butI'mverybadwithcounting.

ButitwasagentlemannamedCharles,

writtenbyaFrenchmedievalDukenamedCharlestohiswife.

Pennedtothissweetnotetohisloverwhilehewasimprisonedin

theTowerofLondonwhenhewasjust21yearsold.

Oneofthelinesinthepoemwas,

"I'malreadysickoflove,myverygentleValentine."

Nice.

Yeah.

Gosh.Ididn'tknowIwasactuallygoingtosayinadifferentdate,

socongratulationstoyouJoshua21-3Gforgettingthatright.Nice.

Yeah.Thenexttriviaiswhenandwhat

yearorwhatcenturydidthetraditionofgivingflowersbegin?

Inthe20thcentury,the18thcentury,

orthe17thcentury?

Ifeellikeitprobablywas20.

No,itwasn'tthe20thcentury.

Well,I'vealreadyeliminatedoneout.Oneoftheothertwo.

The18thcenturyorthe17thcentury.

Onceagain,we'vegotaguess,

Joshua21-3G,of18.

No,itwasthe17thcentury.

Seventeenth.

Yes.Itcanbetrackedyearsbackallthewaybacktowhen

kingCharlesthesecondofSwedenlearnedthelanguageofflowers,

whichpairsdifferentflowerswithspecificmeanings,

andonatriptoPersiaandsubsequentlyintroducedthetraditiontoEurope.

TheactofgivingflowersthenbecameapopulartrendduringtheVictorianera,

includingonValentine'sDaywithredrosessymbolizingdeeplove.Isn'tthatcute?

Soundsgood,congratulationsonceagainforallthosethattriedatleast.

Well,Ithinkthatwiththetimethatwehaveheretoday,

wecangoaheadandmoveintosomeofthequestions.

Justtoleteveryoneknowalittlebitofhowthisgoes.

Weactuallyhavealreadyreceivedacoupleoftopics

thatappeartobeweighingonpeople'smindsorontheirhearts,

whichwe'vecalledheartbeats,sotospeak.

Jackieisactuallygoingtobefeedingme

thoseheartbeatsandwhatthosequestionshavebeenthisfar.

Butifyouhaveaquestionaboutsomething,thenplease,

you'rewelcometousethecommentfeatureifyouwanttotypesomethingin,

ifsomethingpopsintoyourheadorifyouhave

aheartbeatthatyouwanttobeaddressed.

Hopefully,wecandoasmanytopics.

Gotalittleshoutoutthere.

Thankyou,weloveyouaswell.

Showingsomelove,gettingreadyforValentine'sDay.

Let'sgetstarted.

Whatisthefirstheartbeatthatwehave?

Yes,ourfirstheartbeat,Catherine,

thequestionthatalotofourstudentswantedtoknow

arewhatarecharacteristicsofahealthyrelationship?

That'sagoodheartbeat.Someofthecharacteristicsofhealthyrelationships,

andbytheway,thisisactuallyrootedinresearch.

Someofthecommonthingsthatweseethathealthyrelationshipsincludearetrust,

effectivecommunication,safety,healthyboundaries,

essentiallyrespectingoneanother.

Someotheringredients.

Essentially,inhealthyrelationshipyoucanthinkofitasindividualsare

safeandtheycansafelynavigatethatrelationship.

Healthyrelationshipsare,we'reable

tofeelempoweredwhenwe'reinhealthyrelationships.

Youcanthinkofitastheybuildusup.

Healthyrelationshipstheycreate

aspacetowhereit'saddingtousratherthantakingawayfromus.

Again,ifyouthinkaboutallthosecharacteristicsthatI

justmentioned,trust,respect,

safetyandkeepinmindwhenIsaysafety,

Imeanphysicalsafety,

psychologicalsafety,sexualsafety.

AllofthatisincludedwhenI'mtalkingaboutsafety.

Thosearethingsthathelpsupplementourlives.

Theyaddtousandthosearejustsomeof

thecommoningredientstohealthyrelationships.

Researchactuallyshowsbythewaythathealthyrelationshipscanhelpustofeel

agreatersenseofpurposeinlife.

That'sonereasonwhytheyaresovaluable.

Excellentquestion.

Ournextquestionforyouis,

whataresubtlesignsofunhealthyboundariesinrelationshipsandfriendships?

Subtlesignsofunhealthyboundariesinrelationshipsandfriendships.

Firstoff,boundaries.Whatarethose?

Whenwethinkaboutboundaries,

we'rereallytalkingaboutlimits,

whatwewillallowandwherewedrawtheline.

Whenyou'rethinkingaboutyourlimits,

somesubtlesignsIwouldsaycouldbesignsthatmaybe

thoselimitsarebeingcrossedorpotentiallyviolatedinsomeway.

Breakingitdown,I'mthinkingaboutlet'ssaythatmaybeyouhaverequested

spaceandmaybeyouhavefriendsthatare

constantlyinvadingthatspace.

I'mthinkingaboutsituationsthatmightreallyfeelliketheindividualis,

theirboundaryisbeingcrossed.

EspeciallywhatI'mspecificallythinkingaboutisthesubtletybehindit.

Itmightnotnecessarilyfeellikeit'smajor.

SometimesIthinkthatwethinkaboutsomeoftheseexplicitthings.

Butifyouhavesomeonethat,

I'veheardofindividualsthatmaybefeelliketheirprivacyisnot

respectedorthey'vemadearequestand

it'sbasicallyyoufindyourselfadvocatingforyourselfandmaking

theserequeststoyourfriendsortoyourpartnereven

anditdoesn'tfeellikeit'sbeingvalidated.

Potentially,itmightevenbeexplicitlyinvalidated.

ThosearesomeofthethingsthatI'mthinkingasfarasthesubtleties,

thethingsthatmightnotnecessarilybeinyourface.

Butthatovertimetheyfeelliketheyaddupwhenyoustarttofeel

theimpactofsomeone

slowlybutsurelycrossingthatline.

Yeah,thatmakesalotofsense.

Itmakesmethinkofthosesituationsinwhichyou're

notsureofsomethinghappeningandyouasklike,

hey,Ithinkthisisaboundaryissueandthey'relike,no,that'snotwhatImeant.

Butit'sarepeatedpattern.

Yes.Exactlythepatternthere.

Onceagain,ifyouthinkaboutjustboundariesandparticularlimits,

whatyouwillallowandwhereyoucrosstheline.

Ifthere'ssomethingthatfeelslikeit'sbeingcrossed,

eveninasubtlewaythatmightbeasignorasignalthat

somecommunicationmaybeisneededinordertoclarifywhat'sgoingonwiththatdynamic.

Awesome.Ourstudentsarealsowondering,

howcanImakehealthyrelationshipsatwork?

Well,that'sagoodquestion.

Well,firstoff,Igobacktothinking

aboutthecharacteristicsofhealthyrelationships,

someofthoseingredients.

Tocirclebackthinkingaboutcommunication.

Iwouldaskthatstudent,

howcanyouhaveorcreatehealthy,

effectivecommunicationwithyourcolleagues,

withyourcoworkers,orwhoeveritisthatyou'rewantingtotarget.

Inordertohavehealthierrelationshipsatwork,

takeanappraisalandexaminewhatyourcommunicationlookslike.

Isitaseffectiveasitcouldbe?

I'mjustgivingoneexampleofeffectivecommunication.

SoundslikeusingyourIstatements.

Ifthere'ssomethingthatyou'rewantingtopointout,

maybeaproblemoraconflictthatyou'retryingtonavigate.

UsingthoseIstatementsorIfeelstatementsiswhatthey'vealsobeencalled.

Ifeelwecangowith,Ifeelupsetwhen

Inoticethatmylunchisgonefromthefridge.

I'mactuallytryingtothinkofexamplesdependingonwhereyouwork.

Butthepointisbeingabletopointouttheissue,

pointoutwhatitisthathascausedtheconcernanddosousingthoseIstatements,

thatwayyou'recommunicatinghowyou'refeeling,

you'retryingtomovetowardsconnection.

You'retryingtohelpthatpersontounderstandtheimpactthatit'shavingonyouin

awaythatisappropriateandsafeaspossible.

I'mthinkingaboutcommunicationbeingkeythereinadditionto,

onceagain,respectingboundaries.

You'llnoticethatthosecharacteristics

ofhealthyrelationshipsthatincludesworkrelationships.

Sohavinghealthyboundariesandpracticingthoseboundarieswith

yourco-workersaswellandcommunicatingthatrespectofboundaries.

Onceagain,toanswerthatquestion,

Iwouldapplythesameingredients.

Ishouldhavestartedbysayingthatbytheway,let'sbereal.

Therearesomanydifferenttypesofrelationshipsthat

wecreateandmanageinourlives.

Pleasenotethattheseingredients,

theydon'tjustapplytoromanticrelationships.

We'retalkingaboutrelationshipswithcolleaguesassomeonejustaskedabout

orcoworkers,familymembers,friendships,

relationshipswithyourprofessorstoo.

Whenwe'retalkingabouthealthyrelationshipshereandsomeof

thosekeyingredientsjustknowthatthey

cananddoapplytoanumberofdifferentacrosstheboard.

BecausewhatI'mtrying[inaudible].

Yeah.Itsoundsasthoughwiththesekeyingredients,

they'redefinitelythefoundations

ofreallyanyhealthyrelationshipiswhatitsoundstome.

Goingintothat,whenthefoundationsaren'tthere,

onestudentasked,I'mthinkingaboutdetachingfromanunhealthyrelationship,

butwheredoIstart?

Yes.IthinkthatIdefinitelywanttospeaktothecouragethere,

thatittakesandacceptancethatittakestomakethedecision

todetachfromanunhealthyrelationship,

atoxicrelationship,oranabusiverelationship.

Iwouldstartbyfirstoff,

recognizingthatthereareresources.

Thereareresourcesavailable.

Inotherwords,youdon't,

Iwouldsaytothatstudentyoudon'thavetogothroughthisprocessalone.

Theprocessofdisconnectingfromatoxicrelationship.

JusttonameafewforstudentsthatourstudentsatA&MSanAntonio,

pleasebeawarethatnotonlydowehave

thestudentcounselingcenterasoneoptionofemotionalsupport,

wealsohavecrimevictimsoffice.

I'msurebynow,

hopefullysomeofthepeopleinouraudienceareawareofofficerKarenTuckerOakley.

Yes.I'mjustgivingoneadditionalresourcethatis

availablethatcanhelpinsafetyplanningas

neededtogiveyoutheideaofwhatsomeof

theseresourcescanhelpwithsafetyplanning,

helpingtoensurethatyouareabletonavigateinawaythatisdignified.

Settingyouupwithresources,

settingyouupforothersupportiveconnections.

Wealsohaveforourcampus,

TitleIXasanotherresourcethat'savailable.

Toanswerthequestion,

Iwouldencouragethatstudenttostartbyrecognizingthatthereareresources.

Helpisavailable,

andthesedifferententitiesareheretohelpguideyouthroughthatprocess.

Tohelpmaybesoftensomeoftheintensitythatyoumight

feelwithtryingtodisconnectfromanunhealthyrelationshiporanabusiverelationship.

Yeah,andthatactuallytiesintoournextquestion.

Onestudentasked,mypartnermakesfunofmeforstudyingtoomuch,isthatabuse?

Mypartnermakesfunofmeforstudyingtoomuch,isthatabuse?

Notmanypeopleareawareofthistypeofabuse,

butIdowanttogoaheadandputanametoitbecauseIthinkthatthat'svaluable.

IthinkwhatI'mfindingatleastisthatindividuals,

therearecertainabuses,

certaintypesofabuseorviolencethatpeoplearemorefamiliarwith.

Physicalabuse,thingslikephysicalforceoremotionalabuseorverbalabuse.

AlotofnamecallingfromwhatIunderstand.

Sexualabuseorviolence,

usingforceorcoercionto

initiatesexualexperiencesunwantedwithoutconsent,

whichIcangettothatinamomentifweneedto.

Thoseareourtypesofabusesorviolence

thatI'mnoticingthatpeoplearefamiliarwith.

Butthereactuallyisatypeofabusethat'scalledacademicabuse,

andthisisaccordingtothecenterforrelationshipviolence.

They'vestudiedthis,inotherwords,academicabuse.

Actuallyitcanbethoughtofactionsthat

preventsomeonefromreceiving

aneducationorbelittlesomeoneforreceivinganeducation.

ThisisonethatI'mfindingthatnotmanypeopleareawareof.

Itcanandoftentimesdoes

includemakingfunofsomeoneforstudying,

belittlinganindividualforthegradesthattheymakebymakingfunorbelittlingthe

majorofthatthepersonistryingtopursue.

Someotherexamplesinclude,

Iknowonecommonexampleislikewhereanindividualmightinsistontakingclasseswith

thatpersonevenifthatindividualtheyhavedifferentmajors.

Inotherwords,thatpersonbasicallyinsistsontakingclassesandbeingtherewith

thatindividualinamoreofacontrol

eveniftheydon'thaveanytypeofdegreethatmatches.

Yes,Iwanttosaythatacademicabusedoesexist.

I'mnotgoingtolie,

it'soneofthefirsttimesthatI'vedefinitelyheardthatterms,

anditdefinitelynot

theexplanationordefinitionthatcametomindhearingacademicabuse.

That'sveryinsightful.

Yes.Behaviorsoractionsthatpreventsomeone

fromorbelittlesomeoneforreceivinganeducation.

It'simportanttoo.

I'mgladsomeoneaskedthatbecauseitisimportanttobeawareofthevariety,

thewiderangeindifferenttypesofabuse.

ItdoesgobeyondthetypesthatIthink

maybepeoplearemorefamiliarwithorthataremoremaybeexplicit,

suchasphysicalorsexual.

There'sacademicabuse,economic

abusewhichhastodowithcontrollingone'sresourcesorfinancialassets.

There'sdifferenttypesandI'mreallygladthatsomeoneaskedthatquestion,

becauseIthinkthatpartofus,

partofthechallengehereisgoingtobestayingaware.

Remainingawareofthedifferenttypesofabuse.

Whenitcomestoviolenceprevention,

awarenessisreallykey,

andIcan'tstressthatenough.

Ifsomethingwassaidunrelatedtoanyof

thosetypesofabusesthatwejusttalkedabout,

thenthatresonatedandonceagain,

Iencouragethatstudentstoconnectwithresources.

That'sawesomeandsoinformative.

Thatleadsusintoournextquestion.

It'smoreofaself-reflectivequestion.

What'sthedifferencebetweenlovingyourselfandbeingself-absorbed?

Likewheredoesthatlinegetcrossed?

That'saveryinterestingquestion.

What'sthedifferencebetweenlovingyourselfandbeingself-absorbed?

Well,Iknewthatwewerewantingtotalkaboutself-loveandhowthatmatters.

Iheardalongtimeagoandmaybeifanyone

herehasheardofthisexpressionorthesaying,butit'ssomethinglike

selfishmeansmeonlyandself-lovemeansmetoo.

Idon'tknowifyou'veheardofthatJackie?

Selfishmightimplymeonlyandselflovemeansmetoo.

WhatthatmeanstomeandreasonwhyI

bringitupisbecausewhenIthinkabout,Iguess,

thelabelofself-absorbed,

theself-love,Ithinkofself-loveasmetoo.

IthinkI'malsoapriorityandsoI'mgoingtotreatmyselfassuch.

I'mgoingtoallowmyselftohavethetimeorthespaceor

thenurturanceorthenourishmentthatIneedinordertobethebestversionofmyself.

That'swhenIthinkofasfarasthosedifferent.

That'sareallyinterestingquestionbutIdon'tknowifIanswereditexactly,

butthat'swhatIthinkofislikeself-absorptionismorepotentiallyofmeonly.

Sorryaboutthat.

No,please.Iwelcomedogs.

Sorry.I'mtryingnottogetdistractedbecauseIlovedogs.

ButIthinkofself-absorption.

Maybeonecouldthinkofitastheonly,

butself-loveismoremetowin,

andwe'reworkingourselvesintotherotation,sotospeak,

andwe'reallowingourselvestobeapriority,andthat'sokay.

Becausewhenwemakeourselvesapriority,

wecanbemoreproductiveandreachourgoals,excuseme.

Intermsoflikeself-affirmingstatements,

thatwouldlooklikethedifferencebetween

IamtheonlyoneortheversusIamalsoworthy.

Yes.Younoticehowyou'resteppingintothepicture.

You'reallowingyourselftobeinthelistofpriorities.

IcallitworkingmyselfintotherotationiswhatIcallit.

Asintherotationofresponsibilitiesandobligationsandallthesethings,

you'retakinganintentionalpositioninthere,

andyes,recognizingthatyouareworthyofthat,forsure.

Thatisawesome.

Whatcanbedoneisournextquestiontohelpencourage

communicationaboutsex,especiallybetweenpartners.

Sexualcommunication.Yes,

thesearesomereallyrichheartbeatsthatwe'retalkingabouttoday.

Well,thisisgood.

Iwanttogobacktowhatwewere

talkingaboutwithconsentwhenIsaidthatearlier,

somakesurebecauseIdon'twanttojustglossoverthat.

That'sreallyimportantwhenweweretalkingbeforeaboutsexualabuse.

Consent.Youcanthinkofconsentasanation,

somuchthatIcansayaboutconsent.

It'spermission.

Consentispermission.

Consentisrespect,

clearandenthusiasticagreementtoengageinsexualactivities,

orjusttoengagereally.

Somepeoplehaveevengoneasfarasconsentforhand-holding,

holdinghands,hugs.

Butyes,clearandenthusiasticpermissionbyallparties,

allthatareinvolvedandthroughouttheentireactivity.

ConsentisongoingandcontinuousiswhatI'mhearing.

Itcanhavealimitationanditcangobackwards.

Yes.That'sveryimportant.

Beginning,middle,andeverythingalongtheway.

Itcangoback.

Inotherwords,maybeconsentwasthereat

firstwhentheactivityfirststarted,

butmaybeitchanged.

I'mreallywantingtocommunicatethatconsent,

there'safluiditytoit.

Itcangobackandthat'sokay.

Wehavetoallowthat.

That'sokay.

We,asindividuals,wehavearighttochangeourmind.

Ireallycan'tstressthatenoughbecauseIthinkthatifwewereto

changethenarrativeandshiftourculturetobemoreembracingofthat,

liketoembracethefactthatpeoplecanchangetheirmind.

Consentisvoluntaryongoing.

Canyouimaginethetypeofmoralthatwemightstarttoseeifconsentandthat

typeofpermissionandflexibilitywe're[inaudible].

EmilyI'mthinkingofscenariosinwhichindividualsareintheirrelationship

andtheyforgetthatconsentisstillneeded.

Thatnowconsensusisbeingowedtothepartner,

butthat'snotnecessarilytrue.

Well,thisisn'tallstagesoftherelationshipdatingtoengagement,

tomarriageandsoforthandsoforth,

andanywhereinbetweenthosestages.

I'mthinkingalsoinfriendshipaswell.

Ifthere'snoromanticrelationship,

butit'safriendshipwithdifferenttypesoflimitations,

thosecanbegivenandtakenbackatanytime.

Essentially,thereasonwhywesayconsentisrespectisbecauseitis.

Again,goingbacktothoseboundariesthatwetalkedabout.

Beingabletohear

andacceptanotherperson'slimitations.

You'rehearingit,you'revalidatingit,

andyou'rerespondingtoit.

Iwanttomakesuretoalsocirclebacktothequestionitwasaboutspecificallysexual.

Encouragingcommunicationaboutsexbetweenpartners.

Yes.Sexualcommunication,Ithinkthefirstpartofencouragingitis

tohonoritandgetawayfromthisideaofitbeingcheesyor,

ohman,I'veheardalotofmessagesaboutsexualcommunication.

Ittakesawayfromthem.

It'stheturn-off,it'sdistracting,it'sembarrassing.

Somepeopleyesbeingembarrassed.

Butyes,italmostlikeit'ssomethingthattakesawayfrom

theexperienceorthatitsomehowjeopardizesintimacy.

Wemustgettoaplacewheresexualcommunicationthatwerecognize,

it'snottakingaway.

Itactuallyaddstotherelationship.

Itaddstointimacy.

It'ssointerestingishowsomeofthesemessagesare

perpetuatedthroughmusicorpopculture.

Isawamovietheotherdaythatinvolvedsomeonewhohadbeen

intimatewithsomeoneelseandshewantedtocontacthimafterwards,

andherfriendwaslike,ohno,

no,youdon'twanttodothat.Youdon'twantto[inaudible].

There'sawaitingperiodthatyouwanttogoat.

Yeah.

Ifyoucontactthemtoosoonoryou'rethefirstonetocontact,

thenyou'rebeingclinging.

Yes,mygosh.

Youcanimaginemewatchingthismovielikeno,

actuallycommunicationiskeyhere.

Mypointis,itmakessensethatwehave

thesethoughtsortheseassumptionsabout

sexualcommunicationgivensomeofthemessagesthatmaybethatcultureagain,

perpetuatesoreventeachesus.

ButIthinkonceagain,wemustshifttheculture,

changethenarrative,

andforpartnersorindividuals,

whoeverisengaginginintimatesexualactivity,

torealizethatcommunicationiskey,

communicationactuallyitdoesn'tdampenintimacy,itboostsintimacy,

andhasthepowertobesomethingthatreallyhelpscreatemorealignments,

moreconnection,andagain,

respect,moretransparency.

Ithinkit'salmostlikeshiftingtheculturetonothavesexualcommunicationbecheesy,

buthavesexualcommunicationbelikeawesomeandsex.

Ithinkthatthatinitselfcouldpotentiallyhelp.

Absolutely.Iknowthattherehavebeenafewdifferentplatforms

havebeenencouragingcommunicationand

consentandthecontinuityofstandingyourgroundonsomethingthatyoubelievein,

liketheuseofcontraceptivesorlimitationsinwhatshewanttoengagein,

andstandingfirmbythose.

Thiswasaverypowerfulquestion.

Verymuch.There'sastrongheartbeatrightthere.

Iappreciatewhoeverposedthat.

Ihopethatthatwasclarifying.

Wedohaveanotherverypowerfulheartbeatgiveninthisnextquestion,

I'vegonethroughalotinlife,

butI'mslowlyturningthingsaround.

HowcanIlearntolovemyselfmoremovingforward?

InlifeandI'mslowlyturningthingsaround.

Let'sacknowledgethatfortheindividualwhocameupwiththatquestion,

wewanttoacknowledgethedifferentseasonsthatyou'vegonethrough,

itsoundslikeyou'vegonethroughsomeseasonsthatweremore

turbulentthanothersandIthinkthefirstpart

oflearningtoloveyourselfmovingforwardisto

acknowledgethoseseasonsandyourgrowth,

yourprogressionthroughthem.

Ithinkthatpartofself-lovealsoinvolvesreallybeingabletotakeamoment

andreflectandappreciateyourself.

Reflectonitandappreciatethosecharacteristicsaboutyou,yourstrengths,

yourtalents,yourgifts.

Partofself-loveIthinkistakingthattimetoreallybe

compassionatetoyourselfratherthancriticalofyourself,

that'sgoingtobekeytoo.

Ithinkself-criticism,

weusedtothinkingthatself-criticismkeepusinline.

Bybeingcriticalofourselves,

weweremotivatingourselvesthat'showIgetmotivated.

Butwhatresearchactuallyhasshownisthat

self-criticismdoesnotmotivateasmuchasself-compassion,

beingkindtoyourself,

beinggentlewithyourselfasneeded,

beingrespectfulofyourself.

Forthatindividualthatspokeaboutgoingthroughalotturningthingsaround,

sowewanttohonorthatwhatyouwentthrough,

thoseseasons,yourresiliency,

andbeingabletoturnthingsaround,

butthentakingitastepfurtherisgoingtolooklikecontinuingthenarrative,

continuingthatprocessof

appreciatingyourselfandrealizingyourownpower.

Ithinkthatisalsoreallyimportanthere,

partofself-loveIthinkisbeingabletorecognizethepowerthatyouhave

andthatyoupossess

andintimebeingabletoreallyconnectwiththatmagicthatyouhave.

Becauseclearlyyouhaveandifyou'vegonethroughthoseseasonsand

nowyou'returningthingsaroundclearlyyouhavepower.

Ithinkthatself-loveispartoftheprocessofloving

ourselvesinvolvesowningthatpowerandlearninghowtoharnessit,

learninghowtoharnessitmovingforward.

Ihopethatthathelpsanswer

thatquestionfortheindividualthatspokeaboutsomehardship,

andhowthey'relearningslowlytolovethemselves.

WellIthinkthatweactuallyaregettingtowardstheendofthehourhere,

andIwanttomakesurethatwehavetimejusttowrapup,

becauseIreallywanttothankeveryone.

Thankyouforyourheartbeats.

Thediscussionstodayrangingfromthecharacteristicsofhealthyrelationships,

boundaries,andwhatthatmeans.

Itlookslikethere'saquestionthat'scomingthroughbut

I'mnotsureifwe'regoingtohavetimetoanswerthat,

Idon'twanttorushthroughsomeone'sheartbeatand

soI'mgoingtoholdonthatfornow,

sothatwhenwecometoaclosebutthankyouforposingthatquestion,

youaremorethanwelcometomessageus,directmessageus.

Ifwecanhelpwiththatfinalquestionthatcamethroughthatwejust

didn'thavetimetogettobecauseagainIdon'twanttorushthroughtheseheartbeats,

theywerelotofreallyrichquestionsthatwereposed,healthyrelationships,boundaries,

sexualcommunication,abuse,

makingsuretobeawareofthoseresources,

reachingoutforhelp.

Justsomuchthatwascoveredinashortamountoftime,soonceagain,

iftherewasanythingthatresonatedwithyouwedoinviteyou

toreachoutforstudents,

andthenSanAntoniostudentspleasedon'thesitatetocontact

theStudentCounselingCenterandtoseehowwecanbeofsupport,

andwecanserveyou.

Iwanttoaswecometoaclose,

wisheveryoneahealthy,healthyValentine'sDay.

AgainnomatterwhatyourValentine'sDaylookslike,

nomatterhowyou'respendingitpleasejustknowthatthereisalotof

powerthatcancomefromhavingahealthyperspectiveonrelationshipsandonself-love.

Hello,I'mseeingMiguel.

Hi,hitoyoutoo.

Idon'twanttojustignoreyou,

Iseethatyou'reherewejustwrappedupourheartbeats,Jackieheartbeatsdiscussion.

Weweretalkingtodayabouthealthyrelationshipsandself-loveas

wegearupforValentine'sDaythisweekendsoifyoujusttunedin,

noworries,pleaseknowthatarecordingofthiswillbeavailableonourInstagrampage.

Sogiveitsometimetoprocessandyoucanalwayswatchitlaterifyouwanttosee

whatweresomeofthethingsthatwerediscussedtodayrelatedtohealthyrelationships,

communicationboundaries,consent,

sexcommunicationthatis,andself-love.

Yes,I'mseeingsomequestionscomethroughthiswillbesaved,

sopleasetakesometimetocirclebacktothisinyourtimeofself-reflection.

Takesometimetocirclebacktothisitwillbeavailable,

andthankyoufortheloveI'mseeingsomuchlovecomethrough.

Youallarejustbeingsogoodtome.

ThankyoufortheloveagainwishingyouallahealthyValentine'sDay,

andagainthatlastquestionwasverypowerful.

Rememberself-loveitmeansmetoo,

Ihopethatyou-allwillworkyourselvesinto

therotationandmakeyourselfaprioritythisweekend.

Thankyou,takecare,

staysafe,andbye-bye.

Hi,Jackiesincewe'restillrecording.

I'mgoingtocirclebacktomakesureIcangiveJackieprompts.

Thankyouforbeingheretofill

thosequestionsandjustto

moderateandhelpingwiththoseheartbeatswehaveconcluded,

butifthere'sanythingyou'dliketosaybeforeIofficiallyexitoff,

Ididtelltheviewersthatthiswillbesavedandsotheycango

backandviewitlateriftheymissanything.

Yeah,ofcourse,theonlyreminderthatIhaveisthattoremember

thatourstudentcounselingservicesareavailableforanyconsultationsorquestions.

Ifyouallwanttosendusanemailorevencallus,

210-784-1331andwe'realwaysavailabletotakeincomingcallsandquestions.

Excellent.Well,thankyouallagainandhaveahealthyValentine'sday.

Bye-bye.